Wizards, Lens Flares & YOL13
You know what I miss? CD-ROM computer games. The other day when I was out antiquing, I picked up a vintage copy (1995 edition) of the game YOL13. I'd say it's probably the best thing I've ever bought. After a quick tangle with the Installation Wizard, things were up and running. I played until my fingers were numb from all of that mouse clicking. It was so worth it to cross the finish line during the Trek into Lens Flares. Priceless.
New Tees - Game of Thrones Week!
One of the world’s oldest and most renowned secret societies is taking on a new mission. Starting next month the White Walker Hunting Society will begin its work to preserve the lost art of face-to-face communication. Forget everything you know about technology, grab a glass of Dornish Red moonshine and join a group of leading experts for a thrilling panel discussion at the beautiful Arbor Gold mountain resort. Don’t miss this event… unless you’d rather not talk to anyone in person.
Revenge of the Fifth
Pack your suitcases and grab your tickets. Luxury travel hasn’t looked this good since the Titanic, well pre-iceberg anyway. The Steamship Enterprise is set to sail its maiden voyage this summer. Passengers will dine on the Best Wurst and dance the night away under the stars to the sounds of Revenge of the Fifth. Better don your Sunday’s best; this is bound to be a trip you’ll never forget.
Iron Man vs. Mandarin
After months and months of intense preparation, Iron Man vs. Mandarin begins now. The spectators are seated, the opponents have taken their corners of the ring and Backup Security is in place. Before the first bell strikes, the rules are read and each contender receives the only weapons allowed in the fight, Boobs & Swords. Who do you think is going come out on top?
No Shit, Sherlock!
Yesterday I spent a few hours sitting at a curbside diner in a sleepy one-horse town. I’d just begun enjoying the local specialty, Ketchup, Rubber Buns and Liquor when all of a sudden every head turned toward the front door. In walked the Techmo Bowl Champion, and he sat down on an empty stool right next to mine. Panicked, I turned to him and said, “Food’s pretty good here.” He simply replied, “No Shit, Sherlock.”
Liches Be Trippin'
I Believe the general public deserves to know the truth. No more hiding behind vaulted doors, lab coats and extraneous findings. When Chemists Die their legacy doesn’t live on in the same way mine or yours would. Nope. They’re reincarnated. Sorry if this sounds unfair, but haters are gonna hate and Liches Be Trippin’, but that’s just the way the world goes round.
The Freudian Slip, once a time honored tradition at weddings and in the workplace, seems to be deemed inappropriate everywhere these days, except for maybe your own living room. A dinosaur can no longer describe its appearance on an online dating site with the words “Me So Horny,” however accurate that may be. Of all of the injustices we face in this world, has it really come to this? Next thing you know, our town will put up a sign that says, Woodbury: Biter Free since 1982.
The sun is shining, my flip flops are packed up tight, and it’s Totes time to get this spring break road trip started. My day began with a quick stop at Miyagi’s Auto Detailing shop and the gas station to stock up on snacking essentials. As I put the pedal to the metal and drove off into the sunset, I could already tell it was going to be an epic trip, just epic. Too Soon to tell? I doubt it.
I'll Be A Monkey's Uncle
Well, I’ll Be A Monkey’s Uncle. Have you heard the news? The Deatheaters World Tour is coming to town in a few months. I think that Pyramid Head and I are going to get tickets. Are you in?
Jedi Mind Meld
Coming at you, straight out of a Jedi Mind Meld, it’s TacoCat. Here’s to our generation’s version of a modern-day superhero. Never before has the ability to eat piles and piles of tacos caused such frenzy. I mean, this cat is slick. He even has his own Nun Chuck. Bad guys and bad tacos beware.
May The Odds Be With You
Creating an award-winning home and garden improvement show is tough work, but the Donkey Kong Crisis Team has really revolutionized the whole process. To them, it’s all child’s play – you know, as in break a few things here and there and throw a couch down the stairs. They just can’t and won’t Cut it Out. A kitchen this week, a basement next week, whatever it is, they will fix it. They’re polite too; they never leave a jobsite without a well-intentioned, “May the Odds Be with You.”
It's Meme Week
The letters DMV might as well be synonymous with confusion. I walked in yesterday and saw a circus performer juggling bowling pins and hitting the ceiling tiles – Smash, Smash, Smash! I had to duck through seven of them to reach the window where the clerk quickly grabbed my paperwork and told me I couldn’t renew my license. “This isn’t Even my Final Form,” I shouted, but she didn’t care. She simply replied, “Rule 34. Don’t come to the DMV on Tuesday.”
Have you ever set out for an unknown place with only the shoes on your feet, a pack of Twinkies and an extra tshirt in your backpack? Neither had I; until yesterday, that is. I didn’t waste a minute rollerblading Route 63 at 88 MPH, destination Downton Tabby. It’s sure been an adventure. I’ve already seen mountains, pirates and members of the notorious 8-Bit Angels motorcycle gang. Happy travels indeed.
That's A Wrap!
Extraordinary strength isn’t easy to come by these days. Don’t be disappointed, but I’ve recently learned of a secret some superheroes among us are keeping. Tom’s Snake Juice is responsible for the brains, brawn and beauty of mega players in the saving lives and taking names business. Dora the Destroyer attributes her success to the potion of goodness that helps her say "That’s A Wrap" at the end of each crime-fighting day.
Jazz is Stupid
It's hard to please someone
who thinks Jazz is Stupid. We're talking more difficult than Goldilocks
trying to find a chair. You can't impress them with The Opposite of
Irony, which is so impressive it might as well be the eighth wonder of the
world. Maybe so-called jazz haters don't realize their actions scream out "I'm
a Monster!" Dare I tell them? No, because honestly I'd rather just help
Goldilocks find that chair.
Super Harbowl Brothers
If you’re looking to escape winter wind and snow this year, look no further than the latest vacation development from the Super Harbowl Brothers. The lofts at Sky Cell Condos provide visitors with plush amenities including a wave pool, indoor tennis courts and your choice of room on the Bi-Polar Ice Caps. Reservations are going quickly – make sure to book today!
The Twinkie Preservation Society
Let’s talk about road trips. Have you ever been on one? If you’re looking for Piece of Mind, they really do wonders to clear the head. In July my best friend and I are embarking on the most epic road trip these 48 contiguous states have ever seen. We’ll start at The Twinkie Preservation Society – take a few photos to show our grandchildren someday. Then, it’s on to pie. The world’s largest pie actually, tastefully presented on a Pie Chart About Pie. I can just picture the beauty now – what a treat!
Flu Season Is Coming
Hide your kittens and small children – Flu Season is Coming! Winter has blown in stronger than a lion and is leaving no household unturned. It beckons sweetly with the alluring call, Anybody Want a Peanut? Don’t be fooled though; there is no treat headed your way, just days of sickness and bowls of jell-o. However, if all of this sounds like a good time to you, give into the temptation. You Only Live Once, right?
TShirt Laundry’s Top Pop Culture Happenings of 2012
2012 is over. It’s done. So why in the world would we want to look back on the past year instead of focusing on what’s to come in 2013? Because some pretty momentous pop culture events are worth reliving again, that’s why. And because (shameless plug) we made some pretty sweet tees to go along with those events.
2013 Mayan Cat Calendar
Yesterday proved calling in to radio contests is worth every busy tone you have to endure. My friend won two Multi Pass tickets to see this year’s greatest cover bands in concert. There is one slight problem though – I’m not sure if I can make it. I need to check my 2013 Mayan Cat Calendar to make sure I’m clear of appointments and apocalypses. Nothing ruins a good time like an apocalypse...nothing.
You Want A Piece of Me!?
After a long and trying holiday season, a day of rest finally arrived for the head elf. “No more toys, no more cookies… I Need Some Space,” he said. So he set out for his vacation home located at the west end of the North Pole. Too bad for him an ornery raccoon had taken a liking to his favorite rocking chair. “What? You Want a Piece of Me!?” the raccoon said as he rocked back and forth. The tired elf slowly headed back home, where he spent the rest of the week drinking eggnog and changing the words of his favorite Christmas carols.
Mogwai Adoption Service
If you’re looking for a last minute holiday gift, look no further than your neighborhood Mogwai Adoption Service. One of these cute little critters is sure to add extra cheer and excitement to any family gathering. Mogwais are easy to take care of and only require one thing to keep them healthy: Schrute Farm Canned Beets. You best hurry though, all of these creatures need to find a home before the adoption services fall off the impending Fiscal Cliff.
The Pending Alpacalypse
Here at Channel 7 we bring you the latest breaking news at the top of each hour. We expect most of our reporters will be sniffing up the hottest stories all month long – especially on December 21, The Alpacalypse. Tonight we’ll present an award-winning human interest piece aptly titled They USED to Laugh about a red-nosed reindeer who lost his way. We’ll wrap up our newscast by announcing the winner of this year’s biggest lotto jackpot, the Gamer Holiday Sweater. Stay tuned.
The Chicken Dance
World-renowned chef Cap’n Cook unleashed a new delicacy on the culinary world, and it has taken eaters by storm. The dish, The Chicken Dance, is an adaptation of a French classic and is made from all the best ingredients such as fresh vegetables, salty chicken stock and unwashed field greens. A bold yet unique combination of flavors, the recipe even received the praise of The Sofa King, the harshest food critic in town. Now that’s what we call delicious!
Hohman Bumpus Hounds
And we’re back folks! It’s a chilly day out here at Nedry Security Stadium, and we’re gearing up for the annual rugby Winter Classic. Current champions, the Hohman Bumpus Hounds, are defending their title against the Fairtownland Leapin’ Ladybugs. The score is all tied up – Katana Dwight has the ball… he runs, he jumps, he scores!! Looks like those hounds are keeping the title for one more year.
The Evil League of Evil
This meeting of The Evil League…of Evil, on the 20th day of November 2012, will now come to order. There are two items of business which need to be discussed tonight. The first is in regards to all these The Last Plumber of Krypton Comics that have been left lying around our headquarters – just stop. The second is about that loud music you young ones have been playing all day – turn it down! Now, Are We Done Here? I need to go drinking.
Death Star Pictures
Breaking news - Washington has issued a national warning after a Zombie Turkey was spotted just south of the Chicago loop this morning. All Thanksgiving dinners in the contiguous United States will be affected. Don’t be surprised if this year Grandma’s house looks less like the first meeting of the Pilgrims and Indians and more like a scene from Death Star Pictures’ latest flick. In fact, the meal is more likely to leave your guests saying “Sh*t Happens,” than “yum, I want seconds.” Better luck next year.
Election Day 2012
Once every four years Americans flock to the polls and exercise their democratic right to vote for our country’s next leader. Before you Kneel Before Zod this Election Day, it’s important to carefully consider each candidate and the promises they’ve made. Will you Vote Quimby? He’s vowed to provide free coffee to all citizens on Monday mornings. Or is it Steve Holt 2012? I heard he’s offering every home a brand-new apocalypse survival kit. No matter which candidate you prefer, we’re predicting it’s going to be a close race.
Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That
The critics’ reviews are in. Fireflies vs. Lightning Bugs: Part Deux is going to be the blockbuster to see this holiday season. Fans have been eagerly awaiting this sequel to a previous squabble with a plethora of questions. Does the King Firefly really Got Time For That?! How will the lightning bugs escape the island of Solid Snake?! Only time, and the big screen, will tell.
Have A Killer Day
They say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. I say they’re wrong, whoever they are. I visited the lights in the desert a few months ago and came home with problems that won’t quit. You guessed it, There’s Always Money involved in these things. Not only do I have reoccurring nightmares of Wayne Newton telling me “Have a Killer Day” as I board the plane to leave town, I returned home with a bag of red, blue and green chips I can’t decipher. All I could do was shake my head and think, Game Over Man, game over.
Obama, A Dino, And A Good Day
It’s impossible to properly start my day without my cup of coffee, reading my horoscope and watering my pet plant Bob. A true Aquarius, today’s daily dose of wisdom told me it was A Good Day to Die. Never one to sit back and wait for life to happen, I went for a sunny walk in the park where I met The Coolest Dino. We now belong to the most awesome hair band to hit the scene since 1982. Cue that guitar riff…Obama Chicka Wah Wah.
Life Ain't Nothin' But Bitches and Rupees
Yesterday I made my weekly trip to the supermarket to pick up Gonuts! and came home with a lizard in my bag. I decided to keep him as a pet and things are going great, except he just doesn’t understand You Don’t Snipe in Carentan. Oh well, no one’s perfect… life ain’t nothing but Bitches and Rupees.
Go Nuts, Gundam Style, And A Kill Room
The art of hosting a spirited house party is simple. Stock up on fancy finger foods, 90’s board games and Schraderbraur Beer. Don’t worry if the crowd starts to go Gundam Style, just throw on your favorite slow jams. If all else fails, make sure to remember the house rules: it’s every man for himself and you can go anywhere in the house, just stay out of Dexter’s Kill Room.
Hobbits For A 3rd Breakfast
I was starving. I had already eaten cereal at 8 am and then pancakes at 9:30. I decided to take a walk down to the local diner for some steak and eggs. I sat down at the counter, and I started talking to the guy sitting next to me. I casually remarked how everyone should eat three breakfasts each day, and he agreed. I was shocked – I looked at him and said, “You know what, we are a great pear. Would you like to go see the Lord Humungus show with me on Friday night?”
Black is the New Black
Wind Waker Link has an amazing amount of energy - traveling from island to island, exploring temples and even a dungeon or two. And believe me, you better watch out for Link's Hookshot
. He-Man, Aquaman, and Captain Planet probably had that same get-up-and-go at one time, but look at them now...Washed Up Super Heroes
. Good thing the Imperial Marching Band
hasn't turned into slackers.
2010 was the year to be an Internet meme.
2011 is upon us so it's time to look back and reflect at the year that
was 2010. It was definitely a good year to be an Internet meme. Let's
take a quick second to look back on the best memes of 2010...
Dirty Harry Potter Desktop Wallpaper
Harry Potter has been tearing up the box office. He's also been
dominating the sales for our new releases this past week. People love
our design so much that they've been asking for the image to be
available as a desktop wallpaper.
Since we are men and women of the
people, we are giving you what you ask for.
New Tees and Free Shipping!
for shipping is for suckers. You love a tshirt and you can't wait to
wear it. Unfortunately, the mailman demands his cut. Don't think that's
fair? Well we agree. So for the next 3 days, shipping is on us
Whether it's one of our stylish new releases or an old favorite, pick a
shirt (any shirt) and we'll get it to you at no charge. Start shopping now!
This Tshirt Is Too Damn Awesome
Halloween is right around the corner so we’re going to help you with any last minute costume ideas. You can go as a representative of the The Rent Is Too Damn High
Party like New York Gubernatorial candidate Jimmy McMillan. Go as a member of the Flying Hellfish
like Grandpa Simpson or as a zombie groundhog from Groundhog Day of the Dead
. Fans of the band Weezer can dress like Animal from the Muppets like in their video for Keep Fishin'
. But whatever your costume is, we can all agree that the rent is still too damn high.
Bears, Blackhawks and Cubs...Oh my.
Looking for something to do in Chicago this weekend? Chicago was
recently voted as the #1 sports city in the country so feel free to
check out one of our professional teams
in action. If sports aren’t your thing, go to the Art Museum to see the Mario Bros. take on a classic work of art, American Gothic
. If you still aren’t interested then check out the underground music scene and the popular Mexican Kiss cover band, BESO
. Either way, there is something for everyone.