Call them what you want, the living dead or the undead, a zombie by any other name is still a zombie. As our world continues to spin on the axis of an impending zombie apocalypse, all you really need to know about these horrific creatures is this: they are an unpredictable breed, and you can never be too certain of when they’ll show up, when they’ll attack.
Evading a zombie assault is difficult, but impossible it is not. Save yourself a lifetime of restless wandering through deserted streets and listen up. Step one – grab yourself a zombie tshirt and work on your camouflage. Step two – seek the guidance of Zombie Yoda. Do. Or do not. There is no try. Step three – repeat steps one and two.
Every day seems a little more energized when you’re constantly on edge. Mundane tasks like mailing a letter at the post office or filing papers at the office gain all the excitement of Hollywood’s latest thriller. During tough times like these, it’s wise to never forget the advice from our friends across the pond, Keep Calm and Aim for the Head.
By now, if you’ve read a newspaper or watched a newscast in the past few months, you know Americans are on a health kick and that physical fitness, well it has its benefits. What are you waiting for? Sign up for that biweekly Jazzercise class and get in the best shape of your life. Surely you’ve heard of The Power Walking Dead – you’re going to need a lot of brawn to outrun these guys. They’ve been training like hopefuls for the 2016 Olympics.
Next time you’re enjoying your PB&J in the company lunchroom, remember, everyone has to eat – including zombies. Don’t be surprised if a well–disguised creature sits down next to you. Just make sure you don’t grab the Wrong Lunch. You probably won’t like what you find.
In the event you do find yourself surrounded by a mob of hungry zombies, you better hope you’ve packed your dancing shoes. The Zombie Survival Dance can be broken down into four easy to remember steps. Afraid your brain will fail you or get eaten by a creature of the night? Just purchase a zombie tshirt with the instructions.
If all else fails, just leave your Bloody Handprints wherever you are and run away.