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How to Sneak into an Award Show Like a Pro

Posted by TShirt Laundry on 1/28/2013 to Misc.
Every month has its thing. October has Halloween, August has unbearable heat, but January and February, what do they have? I know, February has Valentine's Day, but do you actually know anyone who likes Valentine's Day?

The first two months of the year are nothing more than an extended holiday hangover. It usually gets freakishly cold and any snow that falls at this point is usually unwelcomed - white Christmas or bust, Mother Nature. Apparently she didn't get the memo.

However, just when we think these few months can't possibly get any worse, award season attendees rear their way-too-beautiful-to-be-human heads. The Golden Globes, the Emmy's, the Oscars, oh my!

This year, instead of watching the shows from home (aka stuffing your face with chips), why not gain VIP access to some of the season's biggest shows? All you need to know are a few tips so simple a kindergartner could follow them.

Step One: Look the Part
If you're going to walk a red carpet, you need to look good and you need to impress Joan Rivers. Since there's no time to really make any major changes to your appearance, like losing weight or finally getting that nose job you've been saving up for, you'll have to make do. Dig up the fanciest frock you can find, even if it's an old prom dress or the tux you bought for your Dumb and Dumber costume.

Step Two: Walk the Red Carpet Confidently
Your red carpet walk must exude coolness, confidence and most importantly, has to be convincing enough so everyone believes you deserve to be at the award show. Be ready to smile and pose for as many pictures as possible (now would be the time to invest in that at-home teeth whitener kit). Send a few nods and waves in (random) attendees' direction - this makes you look important. If things end up going terribly wrong - or is it right? - and you get flagged over for an interview with a reporter, you can be prepared for two questions. Who (meaning designer) are you wearing and how excited you are for the show. Leave them speechless by announcing how grateful you are to even be at such an award show, and nonetheless, nominated for an award. While the reporters scratch their heads and check their notes to figure out who you are, make a swift exit.

Step Three: Steal the Spotlight

You only live once, right? The art of spotlight stealing has been artfully perfected by Kanye. If it's not broke, why fix it? Find your own Taylor and go for it.

Photo Credit:  http://www.latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/kanye-west-taylor-swift-speech_482x396.jpg